knowing, not knowing, pretending

brief

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 02:38:39 GMT

I just took my first Chemistry exam. I'm so anxious to get the results, which probably won't be until Friday.

Lance and I will finally get internet at our apartment Thursday evening.

higher education means..

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Sat, 22 Sep 2007 20:44:09 GMT

my brain is melting.

getting and giving back

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Sat, 15 Sep 2007 16:24:47 GMT

Not until yesterday, with Lance's help, did I fully understand how much money the university gave me. I could live off of it year-round. No job necessary. It's almost unbelievable.

I do want to get a job, though, because I definitely need some kind of experience before I graduate :3 But I can wait until classes are over and only work part-time.

Last night I signed up for two community service groups. The Detroit Project and Cultivating Community. There was at one time a Food Not Bombs in Ann Arbor; I'm not sure if it's still running, but I'd like to be part of that as well.

Within Cultivating Community I can volunteer as a Restoration Ecology Steward(!) among other things. Hopefully this group can help me decide what to do with the Environment degree I'm pursuing.

I can't wait to start!

hmmm

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 14:05:02 GMT

There's just something about taking chemistry notes in a bathrobe, dirty and optimistic.

overwhelmed

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 15:18:50 GMT

Lance and I are trying to be a happy couple that lives together. :>

I was out and about with him on Wednesday and I completely forgot that I had my first environment class to go to. I missed it. I fucking missed it! That was the one I was looking forward to most: a small class, hopefully full of people like me (who want to major in &/or help the environment). I missed the introductions, the small talk, my first assignment.

Fortunately the professor is nice and emailed me the reading guide I have to complete. But, fuck. I can't believe I did that! Incredible.

There's an awesome media library here that specializes in documentaries (my favorite genre). I checkout out three today: Born Rich, The Weather Underground, and Rivers and Tides. Lance and I will have to watch them on his computer, though, since we don't own a TV (yet).

We're going to a show tonight with his friend Peter, who studies entomology at Michigan State. Very intriguing.

stress

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 03:08:20 GMT

I'm moving on the 27th. I only have six days left! Six!! Holy shit.

I've lived in the same house my whole life.

My head hurts.

Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment, then I'm spending the night at Mindy's since it's the last time I will see her before she moves to Grand Rapids; Wednesday I'm going to my grandma's to spend the night since she's coming with me to take my driving test on Thursday, which I may fail since suck at driving and especially parking. Lance hasn't started packing yet. I have to call DTE & make sure the electricity is on/in my name the day we move in.

Relief: picking and eating veggies out of the garden & smelling the plants, looking at the sky, hearing the wind move trees & animals speak.

nature

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 02:40:06 GMT

My mom installed a small pond in our backyard four years or so ago. This is what I found out there today:

rape

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 21:30:57 GMT

A survey on date rape showed that 60% of Canadian college-aged males indicated that they would commit sexual assault if they were certain they would not get caught. (Helen Lenskyj, "An Analysis of Violence Against Women: A Manual for Educators and Administrators," Toronto: Ontario Institute for Studies in Education, 1992) - other rape stats

This makes me sick; I've read similar reports about American males.

"Our society expects that young boys will just automatically think that it is wrong to rape a woman. However, what makes us think this? We are always telling boys that physical violence is not appropriate for solving disputes on the playground, so shouldn't we also be telling them that physically and sexually assaulting women is wrong as well? Why are we asking only women to burden the 'responsibility' of avoiding sexual assaults by either not dressing a certain way, or visiting certain places, or 'leading a man on'?" - Pamela Pizarro, Bringing Men and Boys into the Rape Conversation

the written word

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Sun, 12 Aug 2007 23:50:36 GMT

I haven't been reading much this summer (during school I'd almost always read a book of my own choosing for at least 1 hour a day), but with 3 books checked out from the library and an approaching moving date, I'm determined to get through them all. First is The Song of the Dodo, which is about island biogeography and extinction and I'm learning about all sorts of really interesting facts and people and theories. The author writes really well; I love it! I can't believe how exciting I get over it :3 Anyway, I have to read a shit ton every day to complete my goal, and I feel so good, like my brain needs it; like mental exercise.

I love books.

digital photographs

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 20:20:35 GMT

I've been eagerly anticipating these jewels: 1/2" blue and yellow vertigo claws made by Gorilla Glass, purchased on gaugetrade for $17 (including s&h)!! Best deal ever. I fucking love them :D

My face. You can also get a pretty good idea of tattoo placement.

Anastasia on top of my brother Jake's head. This picture cracks me up every time I see it. She looks large & fierce. ♥

future plans

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 15:09:17 GMT

As with the last two summers, Lance & I will be going down state to Pinckney (near Ann Arbor) to house sit for my relatives: they have 3 adorable cats that need to be looked after July 26-Aug 2. It's funny how it worked out, too, since I have to go to orientation at the University of Michigan July 31st through August 2nd.

So my parents and younger sister are coming to house sit while I'm at UM. I'll be staying in the dorms overnight, and will be really busy the first two days - activities and such from 8:00am to 9:00pm. But I'm so excited about it! I found out the other day that they'll be giving me a day planner (!!) and a bunch of other stuff. Oh my.

I'm having doubts about what I want to study. I'm really into environmental stuff, but I went to a Birds of Prey presentation at the library, where this guy Jesse showed and talked about.. well, birds of prey in Michigan. All the birds, for various reasons, live at a rehabilitation center. I talked to him afterwards for a bit, about his major in college (Animal Science at Michigan State, his sole partner studied Zoology) and job prospects. He highly suggested finding a place to volunteer or intern while I'm at UM. That sounds like a kick ass job, since I love animals. UM doesn't offer an Animal Science or Zoology major, only Anthropology-Zoology.

I won't declare an official major until my second year at university. Hopefully by then I'll know what I want to do :)

He gave me his business card and said to call or email if I have any questions about different organizations or whatever, and made it sounds like he might be able to help get me a job. He was a nice guy.

office supplies

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 06:12:57 GMT

I've fallen in love with the community organizers. It makes me sad to look at my own planner (small sized Slingshot Organizer), since I'm really bad about writing down what I have planned. :3 I actually use it more as a journal, to write small snippets of what I've done that day.

I have a bigger, more serious day planner that I'm switching to as school approaches. AND, when that's full (it only goes until 2 Jan 08), I'M BUYING THIS! It's perfect for me, since I'm always writing to-do lists and would feel weird assigning tasks to a certain day.

i love body modification

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Sat, 30 Jun 2007 21:15:52 GMT

I finally got tattooed on Wednesday. Here is a bad picture of one of my roses (my camera was about to die):

It's on the inside of my upper arm. I have a matching rose that says "beautiful" on my right arm. They hurt really, really bad but I love them. Next I want to start a chestpiece(!)

health issues

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 18:57:30 GMT

My emotions have been a serious roller coaster.

I went back to the doctor's on Thursday. He arranged new antibacterial gauze inside an infected hole in my skin with metal tweezers, and as you can probably imagine IT HURT REALLY FUCKING BAD. I didn't expect it to be so unbearably painful :( I was squirming around a bit, and put my arm up by my head and the doctor told me not to punch him, haha. My mom held my hand, even though I didn't really want her to (mostly because it made my hand sweat), but I could tell it made her feel.. I dunno, good? &/or needed.

I've been dog sitting since 3:00pm Friday. Lance and his dad will be back tonight, hopefully no later than 10. I want to spend time with him since I'm going to the doctor's again tomorrow, to remove the gauze completely and to get caught up on the immunizations I'm supposed to have before I head off to college. Not fun.

gross

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 17:59:16 GMT

My "bump" was a sebaceous cyst that had gotten infected. I went to the doctor yesterday and he cut it open to empty it of puss and blood. After that, it was packed with antibacterial gauze to keep the cyst walls open, so it'd heal inside out. I think. It looks really weird - the tail end of the gauze poking out of a cut in my lower stomach/hip area. :3 (..which is covered by a big bandage) I have to go in soon to replace the gauze, and after 12-18 months to get the cyst completely removed.

What crap luck. I had a ganglion cyst once, too, on the joint of my left wrist - it was a squishy dome that didn't hurt, and the doctor said not to worry about it. I was 12 or so. It went away after a while.

truth

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Sun, 10 Jun 2007 19:57:21 GMT

In Beauty and Misogyny Jeffreys argues that "the suggestion that women will not acquire male partners without shaving resembles the reasons given for the carrying out of harmful beauty practices in other cultures, such as female genital mutilation and the reconstructing of hymens; that is, girls have no chance of marrying without them."

- from this article.

borderline

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Sun, 10 Jun 2007 04:37:02 GMT

The day spent in this big house, alone with the animals, has been.. okay. I didn't accomplish nearly as much as I thought I would, but then again it's crazy to think I can do everything I've been putting off for days, weeks or months during the first day to myself. Stupid.

I am so bad with directions it makes me sick. Not driving a car doesn't help, either; as a passenger I rarely pay attention to roads and other important landmarks. Without Lance, I'm lost in this city - a simple task/destination turned into many wrong turns and lost time. Ahhh.

I did know my way to the library, though! Unfortunately they do not accept my card anymore (it's from the next county over). So no new books for me.

I'M GETTING A TATTOO REALLY SOON. I'm obsessing over it, I've wanted one for so long! It's of an aardvark my best friend drew. It's adorable and I want something to remind me of her, a tribute, as she's going to a different university in the fall. She's entering an art program, so no worries about quality drawing skills :D

Not sure when it'll happen. As soon as I go home I want to go to the doctor's because I have a really awful bump near my hip bone. It's really scary. I've had a small, hard bump under my skin for about a year, presumably left over from a bug bite. However, about a week ago, another one has sprung up right next to it. It's red, is getting bigger, hurts like a fucking bitch, and is hardening. I don't know what it could possibly be. I've never had a really bad reaction to bug bites, so... (?) I'm at a loss. :

filling time

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 16:14:26 GMT

A few days ago I volunteered at Pied Piper, a school for mentally challenged individuals. There were hosting a big activity day for the students & I had the task of painted faces along with two other girls the same age as myself (18). It was fun, and everyone was really nice. On guy wanted a red truck painted on his chin. A lot of the kids calmed down when the paint was being applied (it has the same affect on me too), which was interesting to watch.

This weekend, Saturday and Sunday, I'm taking care of Lance's two cats & dog while him and his dad are away at a soccer tournament (they're refs). I'm getting paid $20 per day (!!). They're going again the weekend after, for three days, so.. $100 total. Sweet. :D

open

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 03:48:38 GMT

While Lance and I were in Detroit, we had a chance to sign a petition to legalize medical marijuana in Michigan. I just registered to vote a week or so before, and it felt nice to put it to use. There were some really obnoxious people that approached the man collecting signatures, though. They thought it was so cool they were "legalizing weed" that they took a picture. Oh, dear.

I'm so glad I don't have to get a summer job. There's so much I want to do before I go to college in the fall.. an incomplete list:
- read. read as much as I can.
- make a zine, so I can trade for other people's! I miss getting zines in the mail, and it will save me a lot of money.
- get stuff for my future apartment
- start journalling more intensely
- watch lots of movies
- help my mom tend her garden
- go outside often, on walks, bike rides, swimming. use automobiles as little as possible.
- get tattooed!
- get my driver's license. :<

with many small/medium/big adventures to be had that I'm not aware of yet.

education

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Tue, 15 May 2007 00:52:21 GMT

School is consuming my life. It should get easier after tomorrow, though, since I will be taking the last part of my final exam (2 essay questions :<) and the AP Exam for my Environmental Science class.

So I will have that 80 minute period, the last one of the day, free to complete my homework and read and write my graduating-valedictorian speech and whatever else.

I've been eating good food lately. Lance, my mom and I made the best couscous dish in existance, white bean tempeh sausage patties from Vegan With a Vengence, and we bought vegan sour cream and grapeseed oil Veganaise - so good! And I made gooey, delicious pancakes.

I have so much to do. Thankfully I enjoy most of it, even though I continuously complain about my classes, especially physics and pre-calc: I still love learning. Ah, I can't even imagine what UM will be like. My head/heart will explode with knowledge/happiness :3

birthday boy

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Wed, 09 May 2007 23:23:41 GMT

Lance turned 20 on Monday.

He continues to amaze me. Our relationship continues to amaze me. ♥

veganism (or lack thereof)

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Wed, 02 May 2007 02:13:37 GMT

For the time being, I've dropped the "vegan" label. I don't have the willpower while living at my house, as I don't have the money to buy alternatives (I live in a house with 5 omnivores) and cooking takes up a lot of time. So instead of eating whole grain bread that has milk and/or eggs in it, I'd eat vegan hamburger buns with little to no nutritional value. I'd not eat at all instead of taking the time to cook.

I lost too much weight for my liking.

I'm not eating cheese sandwhiches and drinking milk again, just eating small hidden amounts of animal products (mostly in bread) until I move out on my own. The taste of cheese and milk is disgusting. I cannot wait until I have a kitchen full of vegan food to eat!

I know there are ways to be vegan without devoting all my time to cooking, but lately I've lacked motivation and conviction. Maybe I should watch Earthlings again :3

school

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Tue, 01 May 2007 23:54:21 GMT

I've never hated school like I do now. I just want it to be over when all my teachers are increasing the work load since we didn't cover as much as we were supposed to. I'm trying not to give up in pre-calculus, as mathematics is not an easy subject for me and I'm supposed to take 3 more tests before this month's over.

Tomorrow there's a banquet to announce which seniors won the local scholarships. I applied for 15 or so; I hope I get at least one. Enough to pay for one month's bills would be awesome.

Oh, dear.

jrplam

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 23:21:40 GMT

When Lance told me he may move in with two guys, I didn't want him to. I played a lot of negative scenes in my head of what it would be like. Nothing like reality, of course. I went there with him yesterday and it's a pretty nice place, mostly quiet, & I want him to move :3

I'm am now officially a student and the University of Michigan. I set up my email account this morning; it was very exciting. My inbox was empty so I emailed Lance and made him reply, even though we were in the same room. I'm disappointed with my uniqname(username), though. jrplam :< my last name is too long to fit and there's no good combination of first/middle/last to make. So I'm jrplam@umich.edu for the rest of my life. Oh well.

a good read

handsinscissors@gmail.com — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 13:28:09 GMT

I recently finished reading Against Our Will by Susan Brownmiller. At first I was reluctant to start it, and it sat on a shelf for almost two months, as I thought it'd upset me. While I found a lot of it fucked up and disturbing, it was incredibly empowering. The last sentence: "My purpose in this book has been to give rape its history. Now we must deny it a future."

The only criticism I had reading it was that she mainly focused on how rape was a man forcing penetration on a women, except in the prison chapter, but it had to do with the TIMES. In the 70's American law defined rape that way. Furthermore, they said "a woman other than his wife." >:| In the last chapter she went on to say that we need to redefine rape, to include man/man or woman/man.

(excerpt) TESTIMONY: I fought back. I kicked a guy in the lower extremity and put him in the hospital. I kicked that bastard's balls and at the time I was only 17. So we didn't have a rape case but we almost had manslaughter. That's what the police told me, if the guy died I'd be up for manslaughter. Can you imagine? I told the police I wanted to prosecute for rape and they said, "Didn't you do enough already to the poor guy?" Their sympathy was with him. They told me I was a crazy, hostile hippy.